Thursday, November 10, 2016

Letter to a friend : As you begin a new adventure

This is a letter I wrote to a friend, who is going to get married. I put it here for my beloved readers.

Dear Thoshika,

As you start a new adventure in your life, I take this opportunity to wish you all the very best. But I have few much more important things to share with you, to imbibe in your heart few words which will always stay close to you, words which you can fall back upon in times of confusions and disappointments, words which will be beacon of light, of hope and of courage!

Marriage is a very sacred union Thoshika. I would not want to waste my words on how it has been reduced to a mere physical association to bear children and as a means of comfortable retirement. It’s a holy bond, in which two people bare their soul, accept and revere each other’s vulnerabilities and aspirations. Everyone of us is vulnerable Thoshika, that is human and at the very core of our being. It is not something to be ashamed of, being vulnerable is not being weak, being vulnerable is being you, being human. Treat yourself as a human with flaws, treat him as a human with flaws! This makes us more understanding as human beings and ushers a benign association.

Thoshika, as women, we must never forget to love ourselves thinking that it’s our partner’s job to love us after marriage. Affection from the partner makes life beautiful, but the only love that gets showered upon us must not be from them, a major component of that love has to come from our inside, our beautiful heart. Only when we are ourselves fulfilled, can then we water every relationship in the purest, most divine and unconditional of ways.

Our identity is still intact after marriage, it’s like a crown on our head, never forget Thoshika therefore, that you are a unique individual and that your very essence is still married to that deepest part of you which only you know of. Preserve this, every part of it. It makes you beautiful. It makes every woman beautiful.

Marriage is an aspect, and an important aspect of our lives Thoshika, but it’s not “The Life”. Your dreams and goals for your life will remain important, do not let them silently get consigned to history. You are an educated woman, a promise of a more equal world; we cannot let powerful women fall back from stage one after other due to marriage. I am sure, you will continue to work understanding the responsibility that you have in this world of rampant gender discrimination and inequalities.

Thoshika, the crux of my letter is just one thing: Never forget to love yourself. Life will be demanding, and you will have to take out time for yourself. Life will be confusing and you will have to take out time breathe fresh air. Life would seem to be unfair and you will have to look at Heaven above and say the only prayer that is worth saying, “Thank you Lord”.

Communication, Thoshika, is a very crucial aspect of a healthy relationship. It would be a bad thing to assume that our partner knows what hurt us or what bothers us, all the time; it is not humanly possible. So, when something bothers you - speak, in a manner that you always do -  politely and humbly. Words which emotionally hurt us, if not spoken, can turn into poison and surface in future in ugly ways. Healthy communication keeps a relationship healthy.

Never shy away from expressing! Beautiful relationships are lost when love is not expressed.

The physical part of the relationship might look scary to you, but make your partner understand that. Thoshika, your body will still be yours, you have entire autonomy over it. You do not have to, if you do not feel like! Make him earn your love and your deepest, purest, Godly essence. I sometimes feel that girls are the most beautiful creations of Lord, they are close to being true humans! Having had the privilege of being close to some of the best ladies in my life, I can tell you that the amount of reverence I have for each one of them is tremendous! You are a sweet and innocent girl, and deserve all love.

In the end Thoshika, all of us are humans, mortals! Our physical anatomy differs, there are men and women, but at the core all of us are the same. Your partner is no different from you Thoshika. In deepest of his heart he will have yearnings to be loved and cared for, just like you, just like all of us. There is no human on Earth who does not want to be loved!

Create a beautiful, loving relationship, an association which upholds self-esteem of each other. Create an association of mutual respect and never ending love. Love, Thoshika is not an emotion, it’s our Being and emerges from a place beyond mind. Love is not a transaction, this marriage is an opportunity for you to carve a soul-soothing friendship with your partner. How beautiful! The mere writing of all this makes me imagine the bliss of a truly loving relationship.

Thoshika, nurture this lifelong friendship with your love and warmth. There is a charm in a woman’s love, a Heaven on earth. I am sure, you will have a great time in this adventure.

Always there.

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