Sunday, December 27, 2015

Being Mindful of Mistakes

i am on my way to self-knowledge and things are showing up in my life in ways they never have. They are increasingly making me conscious of my ego-dominated self. The amazing thing is that realization of committing mistakes does not happen immediately, but when I am sitting silently and reflecting on reading , an act of ego-dominated self comes to the fore and reminds me of what I could have done better. This post is about the two reflections I had this morning related to two incidences that happened recently. The past is a trail we all leave behind but the lessons that past gives definitely drive this boat forward in which i am sailing towards perfection.

First incidence
This happened on Tuesday, last Tuesday. I was on my regular morning jog but on a different track this time. It was still dark and only faint visibility was there. I was interrupted by someone who wished to go to some mall in the vicinity. Now that mall has various chains, I thought quite unreasonably that he was asking about the one I had known which was some 4 km from the place he stood. I told him to go towards the direction in 4km, perplexed myself whether I was right. In my sub-conscious mind I knew something was amiss for I could recall after he had walked past that I had seen that mall nearby also. I was not sure, because this was my first day on new road. And guess what happened? Hardly 100m from the place he had interrupted me I found what he was looking for!! I stopped, turned back and shouted , he was still visible , I think it must have been some 200m. I shouted once or twice to tell him and then I stopped. I went back to my jogging track forgetting in an instant what had just happened. And only today, Sunday, when I am sitting beside my table reflecting- this act makes me feel different. I could have run back to him, and its not that it did not come to me. It came to me, but finishing a particular distance in less time seemed more important to me. EGO ! Why didn't I run back to tell him that his destination was near? Why didn't I run back to tell him? I know, I did not run back because my ego told me, "Dude, you have to run and reach thy destination in less time. As for him, he will get there, if not through you then by someone else". But now, this all seems so vacuous. I feel happy and sad at the same time. Happy, that this mindful realization has taken place and sad that I did not extend my kindness and instead listened to something that does not belong to my Source : ego. I should have run back to him. I should have acted in a more kind and helping way, like it was really important to me what was important to him. Love, spiritual love is that which involves dwarfing what we want for ourselves more so for someone who wants something for him/her self. That was a highly inappropriate way that I did act. I am happy, this surfaces the presence of an unnecessary element in my self and makes me more mindful. I know next time when the demand is again made upon me, I have to stop for a second and then decide how to act. My actions have to be commensurate with that of my Creator. I acted like an average man that day, my level of consciousness has increased due to this incidence. I did not really wish to help him, if I did I would have run back. I did not run back. It was a mistake. It makes me learn that help is something which really takes the recipient closer to their destination and must involve giving everything you can. When I realized this, I looked up and apologized for acting from a low level of consciousness. After apology, I thanked Him for making me aware of all this.

Second incidence
This happened while I was coming back from office in the public bus yesterday, i.e Saturday. The ticket costs Rs. 5 and  I handed him a ten rupee note. He did not have change, and I had a five rupee coin, but I did not want to use it because it had the imprint of Lord Kali on the back side. I wanted to keep it with me. In between I observed that a lady in front of me gave him a five rupee coin and I expected that he would hand that to me, but it did not happen. When my stop came, I asked him to tender the remaining amount. He said , he did not have it. "My ego fumed" (unnecessary). I reminded him of the change he had, to which he replied that he gave to someone else. "My ego fumed again". While I was acting and behaving like a jerk for no reason, in the subconscious part of my mind, I had this thought going on, "Yeshoda, what you are doing is really not the way to act", but my self was so dominated by ME, that I had hardly any time to pay attention to the divine part of me. Needless to say, I  regretted having acted like that the moment I got down from the bus.  He then handed a ten rupee note to someone who got down with me so that we could share it among ourselves. Now this man to whom the note was given, I gave him my five rupee coin which had the imprint of Lord Kali, but after we crossed road I asked him to give me that coin back and that we can get the change from the tea shop. Now all this time, I am acting with low energy and not very kind to him. He got the change and gave to me, I thanked him. Something good I did amidst all the tragedy that  I created out of no reason and rationale. While I was walking back to my home, now  the scene in the bus was on my mind. I felt bad at allowing my anger to be manifested when it could have been controlled and was not required. The conductor acted on the level of his consciousness and his energy level, it should not have driven me mad. How could I allow someone acting with low energy to fume me? But I did, I allowed my anger to surface and it happened due to money. I lost my inner balance due to money, which according to my ego is important: "its my money". I could have handled the situation more gracefully with more detachment. But I did not listen to the divine part of me that was asking me to resist the reaction. 

But I am happy. I discovered my ego yet again. Anyone can be benign when the situation is conducive and yet I could not replicate it when the times were conflicting. By getting unreasonably agitated, I allowed something external of me to disturb my peace and that too for money. Money, which I know clearly is just an energy. From now on, I know that when controversial situations arise, I must not lose my cool and sangfroid. The paradoxical part was that I knew what I am doing is wrong, but still I did not budge! Why? I know why. Because, the amount of consciousness that I had that time was not enough to allow me to act in a calm way, which means my level of conscious was  pathetic.There was no reason to get angry. If he did not give, he created a means and that man was a means to obtain what ME desired. I acted like an absolute and complete jerk, that too due to the push by my ego. I am happy that this happened. It tells me how to behave and how not to. I have been resolute on not being angry, its hard, it is really challenging but I know it can be dealt with.Anger is a product of  being judgemental, and when I cease being judgemental I allow anger not to surface in my life. Above everything, I lost my cool on something material, something which is infact not at all mine. It is just means to something, and not a possession of mine. 

Mistakes are so under-rated. I am glad I made them, they make me more mindful of my ego and hence galvanize me to take actions that diminish it from surfacing again. God is really bullish on making me a spiritual being, so I am. Thank you Lord. I take these lessons in best stead and with a confidence of not repeating them in any analogy. The key is, "Stop and Ask if the way I act creates peace, if it does, go ahead, if it does not, refrain". This reminds me of Dr. Wayne Dyer. I am in love with him.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Two Birds High Up in the Sky

So, in my office I have changed my cubicle location. Shifted to a place where I can only see the beautiful Bangalore sky and the birds savoring their freedom. The thing with Bangalore sky is that it is ever changing, fleeting and makes beautiful imagery consistently. I absolutely love my new place and I feel great being here.
I look at the sky out of window panes and smile at birds playing together. An inexplicable joy dawns upon me and leaves me enlightened :) Its just too heavenly to put into words. I think it reminds me of how vast the Universe is, how powerful and how beautiful it is. The horizon where buildings seem to meet clouds is my favorite spot, it fills me with a certain sort of optimism and peace. 

So, today while I was engaged in my work, accidentally I looked at the sky. There I spotted two birds flying very high in the sky. It inadvertently made me smile :) There was something unique about them, I tried to look closely. I suspended my laptop and with a smile on my face started to observe them. After observing them for some 10 minutes this is what I wrote in my book, just so that I do not lose the beautiful ethereal experience that I just had. I actually thought of quickly writing 2-3 lines  so that I dont lose what I felt, but it ended up taking a page. 

Here is what I indited in my notebook (this event is definitely one of the sweet things that happened today).
"I am observing two birds high in the sky and they are flying higher than any bird available, always orienting themselves towards each other and giving each other sufficient space and freedom to explore their own part of sky. How beautifully both of them are calmly gliding with their wings spanned to the fullest. I can barely see them because they fly really very high, seems like they are enjoying that heavenly part of Universe: vast blue sky and clouds. Its just a very beautiful and heart warming site; makes me smile. I know we are like those birds. Flying high in our sky, exploring our part of the sky, flying with glory and serenity and yet oriented towards each other. I like the way they exist together, without any strings attached yet still connected and aware where the other one is and always being in orientation towards each other. Then they fly higher above, my smile becomes wider, it becomes difficult to see them, they go behind the clouds tracing their own separate paths. I cannot see them anymore and they have left me smiling and warmed my heart. Love is like flying high in the sky carefree of which level other birds are at and what they are upto. Just flying in the limitless and expansive sky, calmly with so much peace and freshness. We are like those birds, I know and I am smiling for these creatures of God have just corroborated to the fact of "freedom and reverence in Love". "

The Universe. 

Sunday, November 15, 2015

I love this poem by Rumi

“I choose to love you in silence…
For in silence I find no rejection,

I choose to love you in loneliness…
For in loneliness no one owns you but me,

I choose to adore you from a distance…
For distance will shield me from pain,

I choose to kiss you in the wind…
For the wind is gentler than my lips,

I choose to hold you in my dreams…
For in my dreams, you have no end.”

There are no dichotomies

I have been listening Dr. Wayne Dyer a lot recently and still cannot get enough of him. In almost all his books and lectures he says something that I have been listening for long but only now I have begun to make observation related to it. I remember the first time I listened to him he said very clearly, “There is no man, there is no woman, there is no you, there is no I, there is only one thing and that is Universe. Uni means one”. What a powerful thought. There is no place for any dichotomy in this world! At all. So, today I was pondering upon his thought of his for which I am extremely grateful to him.

I often visit a temple nearby my home. I remember having seen a demarcation of temple territory where women may sit and where men may sit and pray. It always intrigued me as to what was the reason behind this kind of set up. Once there was some big function happening over in the temple and I caught hold of a man draped in white entirely, and I asked him, “Sir, what is the meaning and logic behind this kind of division of this room into half: man and woman”. He replied that the reason behind such a thing is to allow people who come here to just focus on God and not on anything else. His logic sounded funny to me, frankly speaking. Its possible that I am sitting in my territory and having thoughts that must absolutely not have at all while being in temple. I knew clearly that this division was something uncalled for and absolutely not advocated by “I AM”, but then I just went my way and continued to visit the temple. That set up was problematic for me especially because I have short hair and I had to open my mouth every time someone interrupted me while I tried to sit in that temple and pray. But this is a very trivial issue to which I do not deem fit to keep my conscience on. Life passed on and I allowed that thought to fall into oblivion.

And today I feel compelled to walk down that same street of thought and with newer eyes and more observing ones. God is one, and we are all His parts which have been conceived using His Mind and thus there is no distinction whatsoever at all between any living entities that exist in this world. This particular idea has changed something inside of me. I remember one year back, I really wanted someone to be my friend, I had become imbecile to the limit of going out of my mind to possess them (idiotic, I know) and that was obviously met with a lot of resistance (which is something great that happened when i look in retrospect). I am willing to confess this because I have become better. And now, this small thought by Dr. Dyer has changed my entire perspective on everything I have always wanted in my life. I am already connected to that which I want in my life, isn't that one powerful thought? I am already one with that which I wish to be in my life, because the spirit that resides in them is coming from the same source which gives me my life and spirit. That feeling of trying to possess just evaporated by this radical assertion, I stopped trying because I know its already in there and consequently my mind came to peace, a profound peace that I believe I have rarely experienced in my life. “I AM” peace. “I AM” love.

The most beautiful thing about life is that we are always evolving, we are always becoming better than we used to be, not by standards that others define but in our own eyes which is most important. I know for sure that I am better than I used to be in all aspects of my life and I am going towards more of what already “I AM” : perfection. There are no dichotomies in this world, we all our one, we all are connected. We need to remind this to ourselves more often, and when it becomes our being, we will transcend our EGOs.

With profound Love,
The Universe.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Thinking of you

Thinking of you.

Walking the streets that lead to my home,
Strewn all over with the dead crackers,
I remember you,
I remember I haven't wished you
A happy Diwali.

I see lights all around,
I see lights of different colors,
I hear different noises of different crackers,
And I keep walking, thinking of you.
I remember I haven't wished you,
A happy Diwali.

I type the message, I erase it,
I retype a better message, I wipe it,
I close the app,
And I think of you.
I remember I haven't done
What I had been thinking of
Since this morning happened.

I finally wish you in my heart,
I close my eyes, I think of you,
I open my eyes to the sky,
I think of you and I pray for,
Wisdom, health, happiness and love,
To always prevail in life of yours.

I wished you and I still think of you,
I know you feel something,
When I think of you,
I know my wish reached you,
And you kind of smiled.

I am thinking of you,
I have been thinking of you
Since the first time I saw you.
I wonder if you think of me.

I am walking down
The Streets of my locality strewn with dead crackers,
Reminds me of my heart pieces,
smiling at the force of an unrequited love.

I am Thinking of you and
I know you are thinking of me.

Monday, November 9, 2015


If I combine today and yesterday, then there is a lot that has happened in the past days which has left me, I would say, more aware, humble and more kind. As you may have guessed,  news of loss, incidentally all three of them I have heard and I feel there is some meaning behind the fact that one after another God has put up these different scenes but altogether the same in front of me. All of them seem to be terrible to the people involved and it is really impossible for me to imagine the grief and the pain. Nobody can actually ever the feel pain someone feels when some tragedy strikes.

These three incidences have led to what I would call a 'shift' inside of me. Death only proves and corroborates how stupid it is to walk around carrying ego on our sleeves. Everyone, you, me are no body to behave ostentatiously in any manner, we all have to die one day. You understand what that means? Because when we do, we shall realize how spineless, illogical and futile it is always to become resentful when something does not go our way, when someone does not behave by our ideals, when the waiter serves someone who came after us before, when anything which seemingly affects our so called 'ego' occurs. (One year down the line, I realize i have become wiser).  What is there to protect, what is there to shield, what is there to preserve : EVERYTHING PERISHES. This body in which i have showed up will perish, I would not even know when and how, but it will be reduced to nothingness. That makes me feel so small. Who am I? Just a tiny speck in the vast Universe! I learn a lot today. I will be gone, there have been people before me, there will be people after me and since i am everyday going back closer to my source, I might as well leave a trail of love, compassion and kindness behind me. Incidences like death always make you value your life. I could have been chosen, but God gifted me yet another day to live, to feel the cool breeze that blows in the morning, to see small children playing in park in the morning, to view the dark sky just before dawn, to become more closer to understanding my source. He gifted me this day, I could very well have been chosen to be no-more. And still, we humans live like immortal ingrates. This question is perturbing me more than any  question ever has : "When I know I am going to die, which means that that is my end, why do I need to carry extra burden of useless things?". I mentioned the word 'shift', I cannot describe but there has been a shift inside of me which further takes me closer to glory.

The second incidence taught me something different. I have a right to live the life I dream of, not what my parents dream I should live like, not according to my partner and not according to anybody! There is a great dearth of self-knowledge among people, that saddens me. Not that I am a Mahatma, but I believe all problems have one source : ignorance. Pain from attachment reminds me to thank God for all the painful detaching experiences I have had in my life- they have cleansed my soul, transformed me from someone who acted on possessive love to someone who now believes and lives with the ideal of 'things you love, you must be ready to leave  alone'. Crying clouds judgment, I have cried in my cry-phase of life and now I do not because I know there is nothing to cry for or to put it more literally : nothing to be upset for, especially not for dramas! Everything is approaching to just the best. The tragedy is basing our own happiness in someone else, someone's way of treating us, someone's way of talking to us, someone's way of thinking about us, someone's way of pampering us- all this is a recipe for self-effacing feeling! When we start looking ourselves through the eyes of others, then what happens when those eyes are no longer there? Its important be to our own identity and own our happiness. God has made everyone strong to fend for themselves. All of us deserve a life of dignity and company of people who add value to our lives, not those who create situations which make us helpless (though that's also a choice, we learn it when we get closer to our own self).

The third incidence taught me that I must value what I have! I do not value it enough. I do not value my parents enough, once in a while I do feel for them but that is not enough! Sometimes I feel, life is enigmatic and God is puzzling kind. What would it be like, if no one ever died? Or if someone only died when some 100 people wanted him/her too, sensing their redundancy. She was 6 months old when her parents died! It shattered me to know that. I thanked God in that moment, I am thanking Him as I am writing this.

There is already so much pain in lives of people around, every one is struggling.
Dear God,
Forgive me for I have been not so grateful for all that You have showered upon me.
I am more grateful from now on.
I am  more kind from now on.
I am more loving from now on.
There is already so much of silence in the world, I would never want to contribute towards it. Friends, "Death only reminds us that it is absolute blasphemy to carry our lofty ideals of self-worth. Let's be more of what we are, a divine part of 'I AM' ".
This song describes best what I have been feeling in these two days:
Please watch this...

Thank you.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Behind my veneer of pretention

Tricky gets it sometimes,
to fathom what God wants. 

Only last night when she was in real, 
The most real she has ever been, 
It seemed like a dream, 
like chocolate fudge without the cream!

When the moment was there, 
failed I to realize, 
that, that was the only moment, 
the closest she has been.

Its tough to pretend, 
Its tougher to look away, 
but toughest is it to fathom that, 
 despite the non-nonchalance this love for her, 
it still stays. 

They say its an obsession, 
They say "get over"
They laugh and joke and hate and whisper, 
"They" don't know love, I dare say. 

Hope is I have, 
Care I have, 
Respect she taught me, 
by the silence she had. 

Its not easy to extinguish the fire, 
the fire of love, 
on the surface it seems dormant, 
but in depth its still as torrid. 

But may be now I am adept at how to conceal, 
In public which I always profoundly in my solitude feel. 

Friday, September 18, 2015

Cricket tournament, ankle injury and a lifelong lesson

I remember the date : it was 27th August 2015. I was happy since I had delivered a confident talk in Developer's Day of our Services Division. It was 9pm, I was heading towards home; walking on the road donning my smart formal clothes with impeccably formal shoes, lost in my own world: happy and satisfied. And then I fell suddenly, I fell because there was a gap between the footpath's rear end which was filled by another rock. There was a height gap of more than 15 cm as I saw after 14 days when I went to see what I could not in the dark of that fateful night. I lost my gym kit bag across some distance , someone was kind enough to hand it over to me and another generous enough to help me get back up. I thanked them and despite the excruciating pain I somehow sauntered to my home. I believed it was just a stupid fall and nothing much to worry about. By the time it was 10pm, my ankle had swollen just like some body part gets swollen when stung by 10 bees at the same time :D I grew tensed, not because it was swollen , I became pensive because 5th September was the inter-corporate cricket tournament. I still had hope that I would be able to play and get well by that time. 

Next day I showed it to doctor who strictly denied playing for 6 weeks which not only meant no cricket, but also no running. Morning runs (I am still not fit enough to hit the road), which I cherish had to be called off,walking was difficult, wearing crepe was itchy but what was the most bothering of all was CRICKET TOURNAMENT. It was on my mind and I dreamt of it day and night like a lover desires for his beloved; I could see myself playing despite the injury only to get out after scoring 16 runs to a poor shot which got caught and in another dream - run out. It was all over me, I felt like Rafa but of course my injury was nothing in front of his. But almost all the time, my mind was consumed in making tactic of how I would play if I was not fit by 5th. I used to think I will atleast bowl if nothing else or I will put a tight support on my ankle and then try to bat, fielding I knew was out of question. I went to two practice sessions also, batted, fooled around and came back happy and sad both. Again thinking what would I do on the match day, will I play or not. I was infested with this thought. 

Everyone around cautioned not to play and defy medical suggestions. As if I listened to them. I took on to cross-trainer in absence of running, trying to put some weight on my strained ankle, figuring out how much it could take. It felt weak and drove me further mad. Somehow I find it very difficult to fathom the fact that I can get sick, did not like the last time it happened (Jaundice) nor did this time. I was trying to at least be able to walk briskly thinking it will be helpful for cricket tournament. CRICKET TOURNAMENT all over me. 

I was also in talk with the organizer. She informed me the tournament got postponed to 12th September 2015. I was so happy to know this, it gave me another week to recover. All this time I wanted my ankle to heal but I was tensed, "What if it did not by that time". I was trying to heal it but at the same time being mentally doubtful and caught up between "Yes"  & "No". I did not know back then that I was actually delaying the process of healing by being sad mentally despite how much I exercised physically. I knew "Mind creates the body" but  I did not understand it in any real sense. I was too caught up to pay heed to anything worth paying heed to in this time which I stupidly thought was tough. 

Ankle became better in the second week. I was happy, but I still could not run, and was still using crepe , doubly wrapped with Tynor ankle support. As 12th was approaching I was growing increasingly anxious, anticipating whether I would be fit enough to play or not, what will I do, how will it be like to not play. The organiser did not send the schedule by 10th, she said she will send it by 11th evening. I was just hoping that tournament gets postponed again so that I can get more time to heal :D. But something totally unexpected happened on the morning of 11th. The organizer called up to tell me that the tournament has been called off ! I did not how to react, I did not know whether to be sad or to be happy. I felt like a criminal at that time because I felt actually happy that tournament was called off, I know its selfish :( . And strangely my ankle felt better. Any guesses, why?? How do you feel when that exam that you dread gets postponed indefinitely? Exactly, I felt the same way. The sense of urgency was no more there, the sense of immediate recovery was no longer there, my mind was not traumatised to torture my ankle till it gets better, and CRICKET TOURNAMENT was gone. It was a funny situation. I felt relieved (pity though I could not control my mind prior to all this, but I am sure I will now be able to in life ahead). I was happy like a mad person not feeling bad that my fellow team will not be able to play  :P  Natural happiness. 

After this cancellation episode subsided, something strange happened. When I was sitting all by myself after broadcasting the message of cancellation of the tournament, a thought struck me. I have read it in many books, I have heard people saying it but adages dont sound meaningful until they happen in our lives. And the thought was, "All this time I was anxious, depressed, sad, restless thinking about the future without having any iota of hint of what future was." I was now angry on myself ! A moment of satori it was. Yeah, I have heard a billion times that thinking about future is futile, but these billion times never seemed meaningful until this happened. I cannot write in words how I felt at that time. "We never know what future will be, until it becomes present and before it becomes present its futile to become anxious anticipating about it." I dreamt cricket, I almost became mad thinking about whether I will play or not, I made tactics and then the tournament got cancelled. I stressed myself emotionally, physically and I stressed every cell inside of my body because I wanted to play. I think life would have been simpler if I would have thought like this, "Its okay, if I am fit by the match day I will play, else I will rest and still enjoy watching my mates play". There is a positivity attached to this school of thought. This incidence is a classic example of ruining the present emotional health  by speculating about future. Future is what it is : future, unseen, unknown, clueless and beyond cognition. 

I think I got a great practical lesson that I had always heard and known but never followed. That is how we learn the lessons. Today its been 3 weeks since 27th August and my ankle is still better, recovering faster because now I do not traumatise it to recover faster. Though I am still not running, but at least I am able to use stairs and swelling persists which I believe will subside after some 4 more weeks, as doctor says. I now feel it was part of the plan by God, to make this plot and make me learn this lesson. I think whenever in my life I am in a similar situation I shall definitely look back at this incidence and design my response. 

I hope you also get some cue from my experience :) 
We never know what future will be like and there is no use of worrying about it like it is present. 

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

When someone asked me : what my motivation is.....

Its been almost complete 5 months since I started gymming. Couple 4 previous months of running and that makes 9 months of dedicated workout sessions. No, I am not going to stop. The Beast Never Stops. I always knew rule of 21, but I believe it took more than just 21 days to build up the habit of regular, dedicated and then gradual hard workouts. Discipline can take a lifetime to becomes a perfect habit. I have seen my body changing in front of me and believe me it feels amazing. My jeans pant waist seems loose now, my legs look thinner now and my watch which was tight on my wrist earlier  now dangles on my wrist, in a stylish way of course. Its like an addiction- exercising; more like that the day never started if I did not gym and exercise. I take pride in being regular, dedicated and its true that, "Once you start seeing the results it becomes an addiction". I am addicted to gymming and believe me its making me way more disciplined than anything ever has; making me better in every aspect. I am living this time of my life and it is absolutely inexplicably an awesome feeling to get up in the morning in the dark hours and prepare yourself for the day's calling.

After early morning exercise, I feel like a warrior who has already won half of the battle of the day and is ready to take up the next half in a more courageous and intrepid way. I remember I started Arnold press with 2 kg dumbles and now I do with 5 kg. Progress. I remember I struggled with squats and push-ups but now I make better movements and my body does not become awkward while trying to do that. Progress. I had always believed that I was strong, but ever since I started to gym, I realized how ignorant I was. I realized how weak my body is, my muscles, my hands, my legs and my back everything was not as strong as I had always believed. So, it felt nice when I started to work on them and make my body strong. Strength is not the prerogative of few people, its a choice we make. We can be as strong as we want to be, as strong as we desire ourselves to be and are ready to sacrifice for. I think regular 2  hours of exercise is the best decision I have ever made. Its like being with someone I love, crave for, dream about and what not ! Exercise is my natural high and it is changing me from the root of my being. Not that I was not health conscious, I was so to say, but now I am aware , much more aware of this Mind-Body connection as Deepak Chopra puts it in his absolutely great book "Ageless Body and Timeless Mind". (I will talk about this book in my next post).

I believe everyone should exercise and everyone should exercise hard irrespective of gender. Ladies have doubt about getting figure which is not suited to their feminine physique, but they must know that we do not have those hormones which will trigger the development they are skeptic about. The problem is we estimate too much from our little efforts. We restrict ourselves and our inherent greatness by our ignorance and false assumptions.  So, knowing that more intense workout means more pain and consequently more gain, I have tried to be as religious in my sessions as I can be and I know there is a long long way to go ahead. This is just a beginning. 

 One fine day, a young gentleman came to me in gym and asked, "Don't get offended! But what is your motivation". I told him that I wanna know how a perfect body looks like, atleast once in a lifetime everyone should know how much more their bodies are capable of physically. But his question remained in my head for quite sometime after I replied, or to say, I was reasoning with myself for better ways I could have replied to him. His question made me wonder, "Why he came to me and asked, why he never went to  ask fellow guys who are as regular as I am (no they are not more regular than me)" . This is something we need to change. Gymming or  hard workout sessions are not the prerogative of gentlemen, should not be. On a lighter note it reminded me of a joke that I had seen in the internet collection, which is shared above.

Then I discussed with my trainer who is not only a very adept trainer but also a superb coach and a chill friend. We believed that in our country it is not much common;  that is, majority of women usually do treadmill, cross-trainer, cycling and abs. I have always talked about the importance of weight training and strength training in our workouts, they help us gain muscle mass which makes our body stronger. I never knew this treasure before. As we age our muscle become lean, leading to decreased strength and ability to lift. Research has shown that one can start weight training at any age and the result is always gain of strength. Also, cardio is never enough for losing weight, one must include strength training in the schedule. Now I feel like a jerk that for 5 years I just did not realize that there was gym in my college and I did not exploit it. Lesson. So, for those who are still in college,  use it. One year, two year does not matter, your body will become way strong. Please USE IT ! And if you feel trainer is missing then go to YouTube. It will tell you how to distribute weekly workout sessions. But please believe that our greatest ally is our body only if we work to make it better. 

As for that guy, we meet everyday and exchange benign greetings. I am not taking his question in a negative spirit, but what startles me is that what is so surprising about a lady getting shredded in the gym . She is just doing what everyone is. If you are comfortable in gym then actually you are wasting your time. So, he infact motivated me more. Now, I have multiplied the number of times I broach about the health and well-being when I meet my girl-friends. On lunch table, on morning breakfast meeting, on night sauntering we talk about health and I am glad to have motivated a couple of them to become regular. Its our duty to be healthy, but its a sad thing to witness that it does not get the importance it ought to. People are just not aware of their own flesh and soul, that is extremely a sad thing. 

My life is going on a great road of health. I truly trust that we are strong and can become more strong. When your physique is in a great shape, your confidence increases by leaps and bounds, you become more positive and optimistic than you ever used to be and you become more engaging about health of others because you realize the importance of  collective well being. It will foster positive vibrations around. No one, not single person on this earth is weak. Its a choice we make today. There is  a HULK in everyone of us, hidden. I believe that if women become stronger then nothing can crush them.

So, if you have been procrastinating then decide, Make a decision to exercise atleast 4 days in a week. Decide that you will wake up tomorrow morning and go for that walk that you have long been delaying and then come back and tell me how  your entire day passed. Fitness is not about goals, its a lifestyle just like kindness. I cannot describe how your life will transform just by 30 minutes of physical exercise from the 18 hours we have , considering average sleep hours is 6. Its been a great time, I am never going to stop. There is heaven on earth : Gym. 

I am waiting to listen from you about how your day got transformed by tomorrow's workout that you are going to do. 

Love,  today and forever. 

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Biding my time

If I say, I tried to "go away",
It'll be a blasphemy, 
If I say, I tried to forget you, 
It'll be like not being me, 
If I say, your actions made me angry,
It'll be like saying something in you I did not like.
I did not try to go away, 
It was not something I had control over, 
I did not try to forget you, 
One cannot forget that rose that one sees in the garden of marigold.
I do not regret anything, 
It was my heart on my sleeves. 
I rejoice just like I did the first time,
every time our paths cross. 

Only events that rip your heart apart, 
Give meaning to adages that you have long known. 
He who does not express can be unhappy too, 
He who does not show can be disturbed too, 
Amidst gloom and disturbance lies something more important,
Hope. Love. Empathy. Compassion. And more hope. Period.

Biding my time ...

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Doodhsagar Unleashed : Inditing the experience of maiden rail trek

3rd July 2015. The date that was on my mind ever since I got to know about  the next upcoming trek to be conducted by Samsung Adventure club. They say that when you really want something to happen, you tend to visualize it even before it happens. So needless to say, every night I slept, I slept with a feeling of euphoria in my heart that I was getting close to 3rd July: the doodhsagar trek day !  Friday came, I am not much of a person who has plans for Friday nights or for any nights  for that matter, except for the late night walk from office with my friend Rashmi back to our home in Marthahalli discussing everything that went past by in the week. And this Friday of 3rd July was no different, it was going to be momentous I knew. We started from office, 21 of us, at around 10pm in the breezy night of 3rd July. We reached Castle Rock station, next day morning at around 12:15pm and immediately after started for what was to be our trek to "Ocean of Milk" (Doodhsagar).

  And guess what welcomed us? Rains, Drizzles , beautiful water droplets from heaven above. Seemed like a perfect beginning of the trek. I think sporadic rains made this trek even more beautiful. Take the cue : "If you go to Doodhsagar for trek, ensure its a monsoon season, otherwise the fun can be short-lived."

At Castle Rock Station : The starting point

As is the custom with people who love sports, I switched on my SHealth App to have a fair idea of my hard work at the end of the trek.  After 2 kilometers, I knew my rucksack was heavier than the last trek at Makalidurga hills. My fellow friend told me there is an art to fill the rucksack, sheepishly I accepted that I was an amateur in packing the rucksack! But there was no option, we had to carry our own luggage and with time we all got inured to it. The scenic beauty was so breathtaking and heavenly that there was simply no time to feel that the bag was heavy. And this, by no means is an exaggeration. The best part was the 12 tunnels that we passed through. When you pass through 1-2 tunnels you never really contemplate how are tunnels are made, but when the number is 12 you are actually forced to think and then much to your amazement you realize that tunnels like these ones are nothing but marvels carved out of big (like really big) rocks of small mountains. Isn't it amazing? Engineering at its best. 

We kept on walking on railways tracks. Yes, doodhsagar trek is the trek on railway track, one has to walk on tracks till waterfall sight. I know , I know what  you might be thinking. But trust me, when the peripheral beauty is astounding you don't really pay attention to what is beneath your shoes all the time, you do only two things : See and Sigh in Amazement !
This beauty will get missed if one travels by train.
 Most people go to watch falls via train but I think I can make this legitimate comment here that  when you actually walk towards the falls, in between there are various small springs of water exuding from small rocks, the vast expanse of foggy mountains where there is not even an iota of pollution which literally make you wanna die there, the huge ditches (no, not the metaphorical ones!) , the treacherous bridges ;  everything just multiplies the adventure and fun. You are surrounded by thickets from all the sides and when its raining, there is no word I can find to describe that feeling.

After completing 7 kilometers, at Caranzol we stopped for lunch break. When you are hungry, you just want food, you don't want "this food" or "that food", you just want food because you are famished. We savored "Idly" together to provide us with energy to map the second half of the trek. With "idly" now running in our bloods, our battalion marched ahead towards the destination. Occasionally stopping to click images we kept on walking and the rucksack did not seem heavy at all. When you are on your way to doodhsagar trek, you can discern quite easily why after all it is called "doodhsagar". Not only the falls, but everywhere around water is coming from some rock, some boulder rushing fast towards God-knows-where.
This is what I am talking about. Water , Water Everywhere!! Water, Water everywhere but every drop to Drink.
 So, when you are walking in this kind of spot on earth you can't stop admiring the environment around. Its not only fresh, but its exceptionally romantic, it reminds you of everyone with whom you have made castles in air ;) and I think these reminiscences are bound to happen! One cannot just walk around in heavenly beauty not thinking about their desiderata. Engrossed in the lap of nature and the rain accompanied by brilliant oxygen, we kept on treading. Whenever train used to signal we were chary of being away. Have never been so close to train as I was on this trek. It was a trek that took us around 5 hours and 30  minutes to complete. But when we reached our destination all that physical exertion vanished somewhere (although I had a strong urge to sleep by the time it was night ). Trekking in large group is always fun! You laugh and joke around and the trek takes care of itself. When there are beautiful smiles all around you don't feel tired, I can bet on that.
Taking rest in own individual style.
As we were approaching the destination, I could actually understand the meaning of a famous adage, "Its not the destination, its the journey", and the journey here was turning out to be thought-provoking and idyllic with beautiful clique of people. As fellow travelers we had nothing else to do , but to see, wonder and at times discuss the life that has happened to us all this time. Sharing each others stories and pains we kept walking. At the touch of this heavenly beauty anyone can become a philosopher I believe. Life becomes beautiful, we realize how much charcoal lies inside of our hearts while around us is only diamond. A sudden satori and you grin because you feel what you have never felt before, "There is only one way to live life : to be insanely happy.".

The Universe
Finally we reached the falls! We could hear the noise of water even before we went close to see the huge , enormous and absolutely enchanting falls! Like a huge statue of Shivaji were these enormous falls, reminded me instantly of His abode. Without wasting much time I immediately sat in the pose of The Destroyer. :P It seemed like we had achieved our destination and yes destination was giving competition to the journey, it was just bewitching and divine. Nature is powerful, in  few seconds it can reduce everything to nothingness, its a blasphemy to tamper with natural balances. We went down and the rest of the evening was spent sitting at rocks beside the magnificent Doodhsagar falls! Beauty seems a small word to describe the falls. It was too-fascinating to merit any wordily admiration. At night we sat around bonfire and had Brown-bread with variety of jams. Best part was camping. Spent the night in the tents at the camping site beside the railway track. A lot of trains passed by in the night, and the night was spent in the sound of water falling from this magnificent fall along with that of train hurtling down the track. Yes, you do get weird dreams when you get one on one with something so powerful. I had a dream of deluge :P

In the morning , we went to main view point from where the height of fall is seen clearly.
The Trek Group at DoodhSagar Falls main view point.
After a long photo session we started our way back to Doodhsagar station to board train (no, nobody even thought of walking 16km again to castle rock). And while we were traveling in train, the route seemed familiar, and the heart said, "Yes, I was here yesterday. Achievement".

It was undoubtedly an amazing trek. I would like to thank everybody for their support. And this trek would not have been possible without God's support. I thank him also.

On Monday morning while coming to office in VOLVO I was looking around, I was searching for something. My eyes were searching for the vast expanse of green mountains with fog emanating from them. My eyes were searching for that beauty which was there in my eyes the last night I slept but all I could see around now was cement. Visiting such places cleanses your soul and makes you realize that we all are just tiny specks in the entire vast universe, hence being humble and polite is the only way to live life devoid of any sense of fiefdom regarding anything. At the end I feel like writing 4 more lines really close to my heart (as I said, anyone can become philosopher at the touch of such vast beauty) :
 "हर रास्ते पेर तेरी कुछ याद ऐसी आई,
हर मोड़ पेर तेरी बात कुछ याद ऐसी आई
 हर तरफ तेरी मुस्कान कुछ ऐसी नज़र आई
  सोचता रह गया इस हसीन जगह पेर तेरी याद कैसी आई"

Thank you Samsung Adventure Club.

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Marital Rape & India

Totally disgusted, ashamed and betrayed; thats how I am feeling currently. Working for my domestic violence research paper, I come across this piece of knowledge. 

"Marital rape is not a crime in India". 

At first look I wonder how does rape become different before and after the marriage. Consensus was not involved before and nor is it found post marriage, then what sanctions rape to be an act which will not be challenged if done in marriage ! Rape , before or after marriage is violation of the sacred soul of a person against their will. It is an attack towards their integrity and individuality, a contravention of human rights and all this entails that it be called  a gross felony ! 

Marriage, I believe is a sacred association of two souls which vow to take care of each other till time tears them apart. It is supposed to be a benign relationship and not just a passport to exercise someone's coercive control towards the woman. Its a consecrated coalescence of two disparate souls which become one in mind and body with rituals in presence of the light of Lord. What can be the cause of forcing self on the other person now that one is married, I fail to understand.  If its not like we dreamt it would be like, we can try to create it, can't we? It will be frustrating, no doubt, but that is the only solution ! Just because you married someone does not mean they become your property and hence eligible for any kind of treatment. In fact, its an opportunity to adorn this relationship with love, trust and faith which will lead to glory. As humans we have a purpose:  to act humanly and with humility. 

But, the world would have been a different place if such kind of thinking prevailed among the masses. Crime happens when we discount the fact that the other person ,whosoever it might be, our wife, our daughter or anyone is an individual human first. And as an individual human, he/she has his own set of hopes, aspirations, constraints & choices. As fellow humans its our duty to respect their choices. In the past one year, if I have to mention that one solid lesson which I have learnt and found really useful , it has to be this:

"The action or behavior of other people towards you might feel extremely unwarranted, uncalled for and undeserving, but you have to respect it. Because sometimes our own decisions have no explicable rationale behind them. And it helps to control the rage. Rage will never get you anywhere. Period"

And now that I know this, I feel eligible to write what I am writing and what I have already written. Its natural that a person's pride is hurt and ego is punctured when the other person does not comport in the way he/she desires, but then why do they have to? Human has been bestowed with free will, he can choose to indulge into his own actions but not at the cost of other human being. 

Coming back to topic of marital rape, I think its a very wrong message that our country is sending to our youth and girls. They will believe that its alright to be abused and violated by their husbands. They will comply with this antiquated law and die in depression on being ravished. Boys on the other hand will believe that girls are their property post marriage who are supposed to comply to everything, denial of which necessitates punishment.  Marriage certainly should not exempt rapists from being called as rapists. These kind of laws will only strengthen the minds of junk people who treat their wives worse than animals. Does it mean that dignity of a lady is not valuable after she is married? How can the law be so sure that under the garb of marriage a woman does not suffer the humiliation when attacked by the person who is supposed to protect her? Marital or non-marital , rape should be a totally culpable crime. It is a clear cut violation of human right. 

I cannot help thinking about those women who are victims of sexual domestic abuse in the four walls of their homes. Law will not come to their rescue, family members will condone it and she will not talk about it due to fear and shame! Day after day like a carcass she will face her tormentor only to die bit by bit, everyday. This should not exist in a society that calls itself civilized and aims to become the next super power. And we say after marriage husband will take care. But who will take care, when he turns vile? Who will take care, when he turns into an ogre? Whom will she turn to? Helpless, she will either commit suicide or face it much against her inner will. Its painful to imagine it, I cannot believe that this happens in our society which boasts of education and so much economic growth. 

Women need to become stronger than ever. The very definition of a girl/lady/woman needs to undergo a change, the definition which we have heard as we have grown up, the definition which we have seen taking form as we have grown into adults. Money or fame does not make anybody immune from such kind of harsh realities, everyone is vulnerable to this atrocity. It actually makes me feel ashamed when the purveyor of logic approve of marital rape by citing, "various factors e.g. level of education/illiteracy, poverty, myriad social customs and values, religious beliefs, mindset of the society to treat the marriage as a sacrament, etc." Citing that approval of law has "the potential of destroying the institution of marriage" only wastes my time on reading it. Is this violence and brutal act not destroying the trust that is the foundation of sacrament called as marriage? Is this act not defying all vows that were taken while marrying? If this is not destruction then I do not know what is or can be. 

Our policy makers need to understand this logic. "Violation without consensus irrespective of being married or not, is a CRIME". As humans created in the image of God, it surprises me how callous we can be at those times, when we have power to become emancipators. I am beginning to think that India is a strange society, it will uphold rules at the cost of someone's life and dignity. And this kind of thinking does not please me an inch, because as an Indian I feel proud to be a part of rich culture, heritage and value system. My country's history has been a great source of my knowledge as a grown up and has made me what I am. 

Till the time this law is upended we can train ourselves to the lesson mentioned in bold above. I think that will solve majority of problems and restrict people from indulging into crimes related to bodily pleasures, which are nothing but ephemeral. Human body is a marvel and deserves love and not coercion. :) To all the educated ladies reading this, I would like to re-iterate "We have a choice when we find us at the receiving end, the choice will be hard but it will be worth it. Healing will take time, but life of dignity will appear". And to all the educated males, "Women are gentle creatures, not everyone is worthy of love or respect I agree but certainly nobody is worthy of violation. Thank you for understanding". 

Friday, June 12, 2015

Daily Inspiration

Morning jogs are one of the most divine ways to begin the day. It takes a huge amount of mental strength and toughness to get out of bed in the early hours of the day but you never regret that decision; such is the after effect of morning jog or any workout for that matter. It been 8 months that I have been jogging regularly and I totally am addicted to it now, so much so that if I do not eschew my bed for it, I am sure that my day will be not as happening. So, in a way it has become the most important ritual of the day to begin with. On my jog I meet familiar faces , young people , old people (who make me extremely happy ), people who have disastrous BMI index (I can very well feel their pain, it will take time and dragging self for morning jog can be astronomically difficult), cyclists and a gamut other. Of late I have changed my running track and there I have been observing a lady. 

Now, you may think , what is so special about this lady. Well, at first sight when I had just seen her I was overwhelmed with her mental grit and fortitude. I have seen her daily. This lady is bent, she has a back problem, so its a kind of hump that she has developed and she is old. When you see old people who have comparatively less energy than youth, being regular in their morning regime: how do you feel? I think it is THE BEST trigger, drive and motivation one can obtain for becoming regular in the workout. And this lady has jogging shoes also, isn't it beautiful? Yes, yes, she walks in her saree and is a delight to watch: she seems like a warrior, heading despite any damn thing. So, today while I was going back to my home after gymming I decided to talk to her. Walking parallel to her, feeling infinitely  happy I greeted her , "Good Morning". She smiled like a child who becomes happy when he gets the toy he wanted. I told her,"I see you everyday on walk and it makes me happy". She replies (yes she knows English ), "Yeah. Doctor asked me to walk because I have had open heart surgery". I did not know what open heart surgery is. So, she explained to me that her valves have been replaced. I asked since how long she has been walking, she said "Ten years". Long time since the surgery. My next question was obvious, "Does it help". She said, "Most definitely. It helps a lot". I thanked her for talking to me tenaciously and warmly. I bid her a nice day ahead and with her answers I ran to cross the road to reach my home. 

Talking to her filled me with energy and I walked jumping twice as much as I was before I met her. She inspires me. Early morning when I wake up, I think, "If she can in this age, there is no reason I can't". And I jump out of my bed peacefully. It must be taking huge effort for her , it does but she never procrastinates. Bent, but not broken !! There are a lot many other stories. Once I saw an old couple on walk, holding hands : was a delight to see their solidarity even at this age. They were talking to each other and laughing, hand in hand. We as young generations have so much to learn from these people. I think she is beautiful, because she is determined and relentless. Her desire to keep her heart healthy means that she cherishes her life, she wants to live it to the fullest and despite pain and peril she has decided to work towards getting situations better : Absolutely Venerable. 

Most of the people, or say, all the time most of the people delay exercise, workouts because there is no realization about the importance of the human physical well-being. Not exercising is tantamount to delaying your greatness. And doing the tough thing early morning makes you feel invincible for the entire day. So, next time you feel like dropping out or feel too lethargic, or can't even bother, remind yourself : "She is bent, and she is old and she walks regularly. If she can, you most definitely can". Life is a treasure, every day that we get is a blessing. Being unhealthy is not the way to live life. When we are healthy, we can embrace life and its boons and challenges alike. And know what? It makes you happy, it makes you smile, it makes you confident and it does make you smart-looking! Hats Off to this Lady of Courage ! I am in total awe of her mental strength. I have tried to described how I feel, but the feeling is beyond words. 

I look at her , I smile , I smile and I only smile....

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Rachel. One Year. Gotham.

Sitting inside the four walls of my house here I am remembering everything that happened on 12th June 2014- official first day as TOI journalist. Among all the things that happened on this day,  there is one feeling, one essence and one name that has been in my heart for this one long year and strangely continues to be. I still remember how smart and a true professional Rachel looked in the black checked shirt and nicely ironed pants. More than that, her nicely trimmed cropped hair added to her charm, her persona. Just one day before while I was still in New York, I was wondering how it would be to embrace Bangalore, who will be friends, who will be there to love and exactly the next day you meet/see someone who seems like "can-be-confided" person. You look up at the sky, smile at God and thank Him, because you know that from here on there is someone whose glimpse will be enough to make you happy and at peace in the new city.

Strange are some wires between people, which continue to be strong despite every conceived storm that tries to lash it out. 365 days have passed and Rachel still makes me happy like that on the first day. People might like to believe that its an unrequited friendship, I say its not. Its a special bond because it has lasted for one full year without exchanging any pleasantries, which means exactly what not everyone can think. It means, that there is an authentic feeling of care and respect for Rachel's decisions. It means that indifference might be the opposite of love but it cannot extinguish the love that resides in the heart of nomads. Heart is a panglossian organ, it will believe everything but never pay heed to what the situations force it to capitulate to. And I am glad, I have one like it. Amidst this silence and overt indifference of one long year, never have I stopped believing in what I believed on 12th June 2014. I have imagined Rachel and me indulging in discussions about wiping crime from the city of Gotham, spreading Love so that Joker's motives are quashed. I have lived every moment over and over again in my heart, and yes that has made me happier in rainy gloomy nights. It has made me happier when I have lost my badminton matches, it has made me happier when I have been tired after a day's long work. 

Rachel might not be a rose in the garden of people, but there is something she has which no rose has. That something cannot be indited in words- heart has its own language that no advanced Parser can parse. As I complete this year of knowing Rachel, I feel grateful. That flower which blooms in someone else's garden is enough to make you happy even if you long it to be in your garden. Rachel has been like that one flower in my life for this past one year.

Medical equipments doctors have removed from my body. They say I need to spend my last time without any medical equipments and depart peacefully without any pain. They are wrong. I have a greater pain inside of me with which I am departing. The pain of an untold story. The pain of never trying the third time to tell Rachel that I adored her without any threat, that I really believed that she was the most beautiful first being on which my eyes fell. The pain of never telling her that despite her indifference I only had love to offer. The pain of succumbing to fear rather than listening to the voice of my gut. The pain of not being able to  spend a single one minute looking into her eyes. If I could only realize then, when she was near that death is anyway inevitable I would have allowed myself to open my heart to her without thinking of any consequences. 

Dying can be painful when you have to die with these three words that you always wanted to say to someone : "I Love You".

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Elegy of love

If only, you could see
the part of the ice-berg beneath the surface,
you'd know I am not pernicious. 

If only, you could see, 
the desire in my eyes, to look into yours, 
you'd know I never meant to hurt you. 

If only, you could see
the longing in my heart to know you, 
in this sea of strangers, 
you'd know I have only good to offer. 

If only, you could see
the whiteness behind this accidental darkness, 
you'd know that I am not a threat. 

If only, you could see
How much I long for just a glimpse, 
you'd know that you really mean something. 

If only, you could have allowed me
to let you know,
you'd know what only my heart knows.

Not that I am devoid of hope today, 
Not that I have accepted the silence, 
Not that this is an indictment that I approve of, 
But I believe, as I always have, 
in good deeds, in noble intentions and fruition
of thoughts brimming with love,
sweet and innocuous.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

My first trekking experience

It was 4pm on Friday and  I was working while in the office. Then suddenly  I remembered that today was trekking day. I had not given my name because I could not find anyone to come along with me. But then something in me said that I must go, it was exactly what I like to participate in and all the logic for why I must go started to pour in like a satori, and I  requested the organizer to accommodate me, who , to my delight did so duly. 

I rushed home to purchase a torch since it was supposed to be a night trek. Somehow charged it for half an hour, I had only one hour before the assembly time. Super excited I was, I told my manager that I shall be leaving early who as always happily complied. Being in sports team at Samsung (SHealth), I think this is no accident, I was supposed to be in this team and use all super-cool gadgets to map my performance and to test the devices. So, we started at 8:20pm from office main gate on bikes. Bike ride has its own pleasure in the dark evening. With earphones in my ear, I readied myself for the 60km ride in cool zephyr. This experience was better than words. 

The Makalidurga Hill
Around 10:30pm we reached Makalidurga station, the starting point of our night trek. The hills were at a distance of 2km from the station and just beside the tracks.  The station looked like a deserted but not an abandoned place,it reminded me of the Hindi flick Karan Arjun :D. It was dark, silent but clean. So, along the railway track we, 24 of us, started walking which was to be 2km before we reach the hills. Walking on railway tracks, I realised is not an easy job and it also led me to question the logic behind putting gravels on the track. Around 11:45pm  we reached the starting point. Excitement mounted up. I was just praying that my torch does not run out of battery, but the good torch did not let me down in the entire trip until we reached the zenith. 
Lake in the hindsight. View from top.

Our organizer was truly a leader. He was guiding us all the time; taking pains to navigate through GPS in the night. Climbing uphill which is strewn all over with boulders is by no means an easy task, it was tough, challenging but we always kept going and resting momentarily for 4-5 minutes to gain back energy. Trekking in group is fun, you are climbing together but you are really into that quest alone, discovering more about yourself and the pondering the strength within. That was Friday and in the gym early morning I had done 40 cross-walks while holding 4 kg weights. My lower body was in pain. Incidentally, our gym instructor had also come, he was surprised to see me, we both instantly recalled that pain ! But he said, "ho jaayega", and I knew he was right. As I reflect back, I recall that the pain was never an obstacle, you get so engrossed in finding the tactic to surpass boulder by boulder that you forget about everything except for keeping your torch in the correct position. Some boulders were too steep, there in grip from your shoes was required. It took us around 4 hours to reach the top of the peak. 

Fellow trekkers.
There were two peaks, one pseudo peak which resembled very much like a plateau. All of us laid there for around 15 minutes feeling the vast expanse of the night sky and  the cool breeze that was blowing. From there, we could see the peak which had a Kaali maa ka mandir. Again we began  and finally  reached there in some half an hour. The real peak was not as beautiful as the pseudo peak  but it was what it was : the real peak.
 And it was an accomplishment. Climbing to top was not easy, there were times when we reached deadlocks, from where there was no way out other than climbing down and finding the correct path with the help of our friend called GPS. Needless, to say there were bruises due to thorns, cutting branches and sometimes boulders, but nothing seemed to matter at all. Finally, we decided that spending the night at pseudo peak will be a better decision. Then we climbed down and reached the place which was to be our habitat for the rest of 2.5 hours. We ate biryani, boiled eggs and aaloo bhujiya and also lit a bonfire. Yes, everything happened at 3700 feet above sea level. Totally ecstatic feeling. After that I just laid down while some dancing was going on, to take some rest.

It was really cold, the jackets that we had put off while climbing were now required to shield us from the chilling breeze. It was a totally pure and heaven-like ambience under the moonlight. Then around 6am or 6:30am I do not remember exactly when, the sun came up. Jubiliated to see the first rays of sun from such a height, we all felt like our purpose was solved. Everyone went into there own selves and enjoyed that moment. It was a lovely moment, where there was no worry whatsoever, where there was no negativity whatsoever, only optimism, light, nature's beauty and vast expanse. I realized the meaning of a quote, "The gull that flies highest sees the farthest". The lake in the background added to the charm of the place. My first trekking experience was truly an awesome one.

Yours truly
It hurt to know that it was time to climb down, but equally relieving ( there aint any washrooms on the hill tops :P ). Climbing up and climbing down have there own pros and cons. While you are climbing down, energy is not expended but there is always a fear of slipping, hence every step has to be carefully put. While climbing down we could see the height at which we were, it was incredible , totally WOW moment. After around 2 hours we reached down to tracks to walk another 2 km. From the land when we looked above at the peak, it felt like an accomplishment. I could not believe that we were there at the top for entire night. Walking in the beautiful sun, we completed our trek. We did it and we will never forget it. I did not do it, We did it.

This was my first trek, and that too a night one. It was adventurous, mystical, challenging at some junctures but fun. I think I will always remember my first trek. I want to thank the Adventure club members who organized this trek. Nothing can beat this feeling of conquering a mountain and now I know how people feel when they climb Mt. Everest, which is way more challenging than this one. Friday night put to a good use. I also,  in the back of my mind thanked God for giving me legs that supported me throughout the trek.

One of the golden experience in my bucket list.  It was an exciting experience and full of amazing fun with amazing set of people. I think everyone should go for trek once in there lives.
Here comes the sun.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Pinkathon 2015 Experience

The Assembly Point. Sree Kaanterava Stadium.
Today I ran 10km in Pinkathon 2015. Pinkathon ( is women's only run to spread awareness about Breast Cancer and this activity was initiated by Milind Soman. 

Today I became a part of this great idea. Needless to say I could discern the power of female force at Kanteerava stadium early morning 5:30 am today. Yes, that was the assembly time. And I would say, a good time. Stepping out of your home on Sunday morning before dusk to run is a divine feeling. Though it was not new but still novel in the sense that today was a test : Pinkathon, after the SBI Midnight Marathon. I was elated to see the huge women force in the stadium even before the sun's first ray on earth had dawned upon. In  a sense, we are alone, but in a bigger sense we are never alone. Hence, we are never ever alone. The atmosphere was all charged up and Pink was everywhere. 

The objective was clear right from the very beginning;  to improve the time taken last time, to not stop and to run like a wind.  There were a couple of realizations that made me feel good and satisfied. Unlike the last time, I did not stop in this stretch of 10km. Three breaks. One of 15 seconds, second 30 seconds and third of 45 seconds. Thus, for most part of the race I bested that intrinsic wish to stop and rest. And in those three breaks I realized a logical thing. When 3 months back I had started running, I used to stop after running for 10 minutes and walk because I could not take no more, but today , this day,  when I stopped I felt tired, like jogging was the only thing that my feet wanted to do. 
After the Run.
Jogging and not walking became the first nature. And when you know that you have become better from your previous version, when you realize that you have defeated your previous self, you become stronger inside.  In events like these we are not fighting against anybody else, but we are fighting against our own selves and something is at stake. You got to be better than the previous time. One has to, otherwise everything , everyday when you ran will end up being futile. Also, one more interesting thing is (we can construe it as metaphorically also),when we get closer to our goals, we start wheezing, the urge to take rest becomes stronger, but if we cede then every time we ran consistently in previous time will get botched up. Stake. Our PB (Personal Best) time will suffer. The idea is to keep pushing, there is ample amount of rest you can take after finishing off and finishing of with style. When this is the thought process, energy keeps on accruing and pushing you forward.

Being Healthy.
While running there were all kind of roads, uphills, downhills. Uphills are tough, they demand extra effort. But the mantra was the same : not to stop. And later in the run towards the end, that same uphill was downhill now.Ecstasy. And trust me when I say this;  the more effort taking the uphill; the much more fun-filled is the downhill. (Metaphorically and literally). Every event can be linked to a dream chase. At the end of the run, I was nonplussed. Why? Because I shocked myself w.r.t last time. There were many "unlike-the-last-times". I just threw myself last time on ground when the run was over, but this time after the run, I was strolling as if the run was yet to begin. Signalled improvement to me.

And now I know that in the morning jogging, I need to increase my distance. Increase my comfort zone. Will and determination are two things that get tested and there is always ample room for improvement. Good health is a diamond, if we are not healthy, we cannot live the years that we have happily. Being healthy is one of the most important bullet of my Mission Statement. So, I would urge every one, men and women alike to make their lives more beautiful by staying healthy, pushing themselves and not getting comfortable at all. Get up and Run !! 

With Gratitude to God, because He is the force inside that impels all of us.

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